From Fat to Forty was created to journal being fat at 38 to becoming fit by 40.
Weight has been an issue for the majority of my adult life. Over the last 20 years I've watched my weight yo-yo from the 130's in my late teens to as much as 270 in my late 30's. I've tried numerous diets, countless "I'll start again on Monday" speeches, 20 years worth of failed lose-the-weight New Year's Resolutions, and I have several weight loss videos collecting dust in the TV stand.
I've struggled with self-image since my teen years. I can remember wishing as a young teenager to be thinner. I weighed 130 my senior year and wore a size 8-10. I remember thinking and telling myself that I was fat. If only that girl knew where she'd be 20 years later. If she thought she was fat then... oh my... she didn't know what fat was! She would never guess that 20 years later her senior prom dress and graduation outfit would hang in her closet as a reminder of what she thought fat looked like.
Looking back, there is no there's-where-the-weight-came-on moment. It's been a slow, steady progression from 130 pounds to 270 pounds in the last 20 years. There were two babies, a college education, the ups and downs of marriage, financial burdens, but no significant event that caused the weight. It just happened. One day I woke up, stood on the scale, and it read 270. TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY POUNDS. Holy donkey balls. How could I have let my weight get so out of control?!? Seriously.
Last spring I made a decision to lose the weight. I downloaded a Couch to 5K fitness app to my iPhone and also started using the My Fitness Pal app. I went from 270 pounds to 238 pounds from April-August of last year. I exercised regularly. I started seeing and feeling the results. Then old habits took over. Cody (my oldest son) left for college. School started for Caden (my youngest son). Work became more stressful (I'm a Hospice nurse). 1 cookie turned into 4 (my favorite... chocolate chip). Workouts became fewer and fewer. Pants started fitting more snugly. Then the numbers on the scale started climbing. 238 went to 240 then to 245 then to 249. Time to put the brakes on before 249 turns to 270 and beyond! Because that's usually what happens. Lost pounds that creep back tend to find more pounds. And before you know it you're 20 pounds heavier than you were at your heaviest weight! Hello new heaviest weight! Ugh... the cycle of lost and found pounds.
So here it is another new year. Another New Year's Resolution to lose the weight. I'm on week 2 of hitting the gym 5 days a week (
AT FIVE IN THE FREAKING MORNING!). I've restarted (this is probably my 10th time to restart it!) my Couch to 5K running program. I signed up for my first 5K in April (The Color Run in Dallas!). I started the Made to Crave bible study. And now this blog. Something has got to work, right?
So here's the skinny on what to expect:
~Complete honesty. Tell it like it is and nothing less.
~Weekly weigh-in results. The good and the bad. Because I know there will be a bad week in there!
~Motivation for myself and maybe someone else who's struggling with weight.
~Recipes and fitness tips.
The numbers:
(This is where the honesty comes in. It's raw and embarrassing. It's tears-rolling-down-my-cheeks honesty. It's what I've tried to hide from Michael (my husband) and dreaded at every doctor's appointment.)
~deep breath~
Current weight: 249 pounds
Current clothing sizes: Pants- 20 Tops 1-2X
Where I want to be: 140-150 pounds. But, more importantly than the number... Healthy, Happy, and Fit at 40.
I welcome your comments, your encouragement, and most importantly your prayers.
From Fat to Forty starts now.
~jen
Weight has been an issue for the majority of my adult life. Over the last 20 years I've watched my weight yo-yo from the 130's in my late teens to as much as 270 in my late 30's. I've tried numerous diets, countless "I'll start again on Monday" speeches, 20 years worth of failed lose-the-weight New Year's Resolutions, and I have several weight loss videos collecting dust in the TV stand.
So here's the skinny on what to expect:
(This is where the honesty comes in. It's raw and embarrassing. It's tears-rolling-down-my-cheeks honesty. It's what I've tried to hide from Michael (my husband) and dreaded at every doctor's appointment.)
Where I want to be: 140-150 pounds. But, more importantly than the number... Healthy, Happy, and Fit at 40.
I am so so VERY PROUD OF YOU - you can do it - and if I can help in anyway - let me know - over the last year I gained 40 lbs - and my goal is to lose it and gain my strength and confidence back -
ReplyDeleteYOU ROCK - I am impressed with your ambition and willing to put your struggles out there so maybe it can inspire others
I want to start by saying I love you as you are...always will! Always have! I,along with the many others, am very proud of you. And again, always have been.
ReplyDeleteI am not around much,but I am observant of your life-thanks mostly to technology. Reading your blogs and contact through Facebook keeps me involved in your family.Thank goodness!
I have watched you ride the roller coaster of Life with it's many ups and downs. I've been ispired by your courage and your candid approach of sharing your life with the world. It is in that ability to tell the world how you feel on many subjects that you and I are so very similar.
The weight issue is another similarity we share.As you, I've been up and down on that issue for years. I never felt the discriminations early in my life but after I had all of my children (six-for those who don't know me)is when I noticed anyone "viewed" me as different.
Just to set the record straight, I would sacrifice my body again for any and all of my children. I would gladly take the stretched and soft parts of my body to have each and everyone of them in my life.
But I must be honest here...it wasn't just children that ravaged my body. I like food and drink! There it's out-I've said it. I like food and drink- whiskey and beer. The food you ask? Well I'm a southern girl! We chicken fry everything and smother it in gravy!
And those desserts....pies,cakes,cookies,candies! Well hell, we even have "SWEET" tea in the south. Can't have tea without a bag of sugar in it! (I don't drink sweet tea...but I did).
I was lucky,as are many others,I was married to a man who loved me as I am. Loved the soft places- all of me and he made me feel loved. But he is not here any longer and my confidence ,or part of it, died with him. I began to doubt myself. Who would ever want me!?! How would I compare to the rest in this new world I was thrust into?Mother,grandmother,overweight,short(Oh,yes lets not forget I was blessed to also be SHORT).I was letting the propaganda "eat" away at me. I was afraid I would not fit in!
People can be cruel but we can be even more cruel to ourselves. We swallow the daily crap of how we should look and act and live. We should look at who we are-inside,not how the world says we should look outside. How we act-towards others should never make someone feel they are less or not equal. The way we choose to live should reflect our character. But I know this is not the reality of the world we live in. We want to be accepted. To belong. To be as others are.
But I'm finding there are others who like me as I am. Stretched and soft parts. Others who won't let me say negative things about myself. Others who tell me I'm worthy just as I am. As are you! Always have been! Always will be!
Now working towards good health is a goal to have for sure. And if weight loss is part of that goal I salute you!
I just want you to know you are great as you are! I just want you to know I love you. And I will until the end of time.