It's exhausting.
It's frustrating.
It's overwhelming.
It's all consuming.
It starts in the morning and it doesn't stop until I go to bed.
It's meal planning.
It's fighting.
It's working out, but not working out too much.
It's trying to stay off the scale.
It's trying to celebrate the smallest percentage loss of body fat.
It's having patience with myself.
It's a learning curve.
It's crying.
It's saying no.
It's heavier weights.
It's making time for working out.
It's sweaty workout bras and socks.
It's blisters.
It's new shoes.
It's emotional.
It's getting up at 4:30 in the morning.
It's to count calories or to not count calories.
It's believing beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
It's not comparing my body to someone else's.
It's avoiding fast food.
It's spiritual.
It's calorie burning.
It's feeling beautiful even when you may never hear those words from the one it would mean the most from.
It's eating the right combination of foods at the right time.
It's food journaling.
It's standing in front of the mirror attempting to see the qualities within the reflection.
It's trusting the advice of your trainers when they tell you to slow down, when all you feel like you should do is go harder.
It's believing value isn't defined by a number.
It's (unfortunately) forever. Because if I don't make it forever, I'll end up right where I started.
It's wanting to give up.
These last few weeks have been the most frustrating with little to no measurable weight loss on the scale, despite greatly increasing the intensity and frequency of my workouts. My diet has remained (mostly) healthy. Yes, there were cheat meals. An unhealthy I-should-have-picked-something-else-better-to-eat food. But my goodness, I'm going to eat something that's not healthy every once in a while! That's LIFE!
So how do you press on when you feel as though you are a hamster running in a spinning wheel that goes no where? How do you stay focused? How do you keep the drive and determination? How do you accept that the goal you had in place by a certain date may not be reached? How do you not give up?
If you have answers to those questions or even the magical fix... by all means, please share.
I started this blog to journal this journey. I'm on the downhill side of about to be 40. Just two months and a few days to go. I had a weight goal in my mind that I may not reach. I don't know that it necessarily means I've failed. My goal was to be fit by 40. I'm more fit, less fat. Maybe that will still count? ; )
My reminder of what I'm giving up if I don't keep going:
Latest numbers:
weight: 226
pounds lost:17
inches lost: 18
body fat: 36.9% (starting: 45.6%)
BMI: 37.6 (starting: 40.5)
Another day, another emotional step on this journey. And hopefully soon... a step off this plateau I seem to be on and another start to an upward climb to meet my goals.
Pressing on... (not giving up)
~jen
